Society’s double standards never fails to astound me. Especially when it comes to expectations of men and women. A while ago I wrote about how society seems to be scared of the idea of a strong, confident woman. This seems to even extend to sexual advances. Why is it okay for men to have several one night stands, but for a woman it’s considered morally wrong? Why is it that so many men say they want a sexually confident woman, yet they feel intimidated when approached? Maybe society hasn’t advanced as much as we thought.

I was never really clued up on the social conventions of flirting, attraction and sexual advances. Throughout my high school years I was quite the odd one out. I didn’t even steal my first kiss until I was 17. However since finishing school and beginning university, a whole new world has emerged. I have always been oblivious to sexual advances and/or flirting towards me. If one of my female friend whispered to me ‘That guy is checking you out!’, I’d be the awkward idiot who’d spin around wildly shouting “WHERE?!”. Basically, I had no sensibility when it came to men until recently. Living in a large city with clued-up female friends has begun to make me aware of the goings on around me. But it’s also made me aware to the increasing double standards or society.

While it’s perfectly fine for a man to approach a woman with the sole objective of attaining sex, for women this is still — for some unknown and/or archaic reason — taboo. Several times in clubs, I’ve had men either approach me asking me to go home with them, or groping me so much I may as well have been their blow-up doll they store under their beds for those long, lonely nights. However, if we reverse the tables there’s still some sort of unthinkable violation associated with a woman being sexually forward that men seem to be intimidated by. While young men say in most magazines that they would love women to approach them, many are shocked, threatened and unresponsive when they are actually put in that position. I can actually vouch for this too.

Whether it’s man’s biological need for dominance and control or the fact a woman is shunning her anticipated, submissive role, there still seems to be some sort of problem. Of course, I’m not discussing all men. I know a few who do enjoy a woman taking control. However it’s not as where it should be. So, with men too scared to approach an attractive woman and women too scared of coming across too dominant to approach a man, where does this actually leave us? Probably something similar to your first high school dance where the hall with split into gender halves.

Frankly, we all need to loosen up. We’re young, we should be having fun with this, not being intimidated. For the men, there is nothing wrong with a confident woman. If you find the task of approaching her too daunting, what’s wrong with her approaching you? Nothing. it just shows the feeling is mutual. Women, we need to stop being terrorised by what men think about us. Am I too dominant? Is he intimated? Should I talk to him? The best advice to everyone is to stop beating around the bush and jump in head first. Stop being scared and intimidated by the opposite sex because in the end, they’re probably thinking the exact same thing as you.

This was the question posed to me in casual smalltalk with my manager. It was a question meant with the best of intentions, however it started me thinking. My manager is still young at only 22 years old, yet there seemed to be an inbuilt impression that everyone should be in search of their soulmate. It’s like that for the vast majority of our generation. We all have this ingrained notion that we should be in search of our one true love. Whatever happened to these years being the years of self-discovery and experimentation?

Now, I’ve written before about how it seems our whole circle of popular culture seems to be focused on relationships and love. But maybe I was wrong. It appears that it’s not just popular culture influencing our never-ending requirement for a lover and life partner. How many times have you looked at the token couple in your clique and longingly thought, “Why can’t I find someone that loves me like that?” and immediately had it set in your mind that you needed a partner? It’s not an uncommon occurrence. In fact, it’s an increasingly familiar situation. Perhaps even more so than popular culture, we’re being peer pressured into our need for a partner.

What’s worse is that with the rise of social networking, there is literally no escape from the relationship pressures. Facebook, Twitter, even my beloved Tumblr, are all falling to the barrage of relationship status changes and status updates about how great someone’s partner is. There is one boy on my Facebook friend list who constant posts statuses about his amazing girlfriend and how he wished he’d stayed home with her instead of going out with the boys. It’s clear he’s head-over-heels for this girl, which is great for the both of them. But at the same time, every single woman on his friend’s list is sitting at home wishing for a man to choose them over the boys (Which, girls, you’re rarely going to find in a man between the ages of 18 and 24).

The youth generation of today is slowly turning into a mass of loveaholics. Between the peer pressure being placed on us and the influence of popular culture stronger than ever, it’s no wonder we’re obsessed with finding love. We’ve all become scared that we’ll never find that special person who will always be there for us. We’ve become jealous of the people that have what may or may not be that person. Why are we all so scared about not finding love when we’re still so young? What a lot of people are failing to realise, is that it is okay to be single AND ENJOY IT. Whatever became so horrible about enjoy single life? Sure, there are some obvious downfalls; the unadulterated lack of sex, no one to come home and bitch about your day at work to, no one to fall asleep next to. However, there are so many benefits that people often forget in the onslaught of tabloid love.

Flying solo means you can do whatever you want, when you want. If you go out on the town and flirt with some boys to get free drinks, guess what? It’s completely okay! If you want to be a little bit risky and dye your hair Rihanna red, guess what? You can do it without someone shutting down your confidence. If you want to spend the night at home munching down a whole block of Cadbury Dairy Milk and watching The Devil Wears Prada, guess what? Not only can you do that, you can do it all in your comfy trackies with no make-up on. The benefits for the lads are there too. That sexy girl with the great arse on the dance floor? Feel free to go try your best to take her home. The new edition of Halo or Call Of Duty? You can play it for the whole weekend, guilt-free. Going out for a night of booze and the boys? You have no one waiting at home for you, irritated that you chose your mates over them.

These are the years where we’re meant to get so drunk we can’t remember the trip home; the years where we’re meant to have random dance floor pashes with someone who’s name we don’t know; the years where we have the time to be spontaneous and ridiculous. Our addiction and fears about finding the one is stopping us from living our lives to their full potential. Honestly, who really wants to find their soulmate at 20 years old? It’s taken me a long time to realise that being single is fun. No one to answer to, no one’s opinion but your own, no burdens except your own. Our generation needs to take a giant step back and really look at the world around them. Stop being scared, stop being obsessed, take a deep breath and jump head first into life. Things are a lot more fun when you’re living without trepidation and apprehension. These are supposed to be the best years our lives. So let’s make sure they live up to that expectation.

I can never understand why people are so eager to confine others into little glass boxes, especially when it comes to women. I guess small-minded people find it easier to understand others if they can drop them into certain categories. One of the most common categories for women is the “Slut” box. I can basically guarantee that every girl over the age of thirteen has been called one of the above slurs. “Slut” is the ultimate form of verbal ‘shut-downs’ when it comes to women. There’s not a whole lot a woman can say when someone labels her a ‘slut’. As Rachel Hills in Cosmopolitan magazine says, it’s a way of silencing women. And it’s about time women started standing up to “slut”, instead shrinking away.

I can still clearly remember the first time I was labelled. I was thirteen, at high school and walking back to my circle of friends after visiting the canteen. As I walked past a group of boys, I heard one of them fling the slur at me. I had a split second where I contemplated what to do about the situation: I could keep walking and just let it go, or tell this arrogant, immature, little boy where to shove it. Being the fiesty little bitch I am, I was never going to take it lying down. I turned around and put him in his place. When I walked away, all of his mates were snickering about the fact he’d just been chewed out by a girl and that, even better, he was absolutely speechless.

Now a lot of women don’t have the confidence to take on their abusers. This needs to change. It isn’t about having confidence, it’s about female human rights. No one — male or female, old or young, black or white — has any right to degrade or abuse you. Frankly, it is absolutely no one else’s business how many people you have slept with, how frequently you have 24-hour flings, or who you choose to have sex with. But these days, “slut” is a lot more than just a name for a promiscuous woman.

In 2006, Sheikh al-Hilaly, a muslim cleric, stated that adultery and sexual abuse towards women was “90 per cent the women’s responsibility”. According to him, because women wear make up, wears short clothes, or even greets a man in a flirty manner, they were asking to be raped. It’s scary how many men and women seem to agree with this. No matter what you’re wearing, no matter how drunk you are, no matter who or how many people you’ve hooked up with, there is no reason for you to be called a slut or for you to be taken advantage of.

On the 3rd of April, 2011, SlutWalk happened in Toronto, Canada. What incited this was  a Toronto police officer was caught calling women at risk of sexual assault “sluts”. SlutWalk was a march organised in protest of this. 3,000 - 4,000 women walked producing an array of colourful signs, featuring “It’s my hot body, I’ll do what I want!” and “SLUTS SAY YES”. What this march really proved is that women do have the power to take control over “slut” back. It worked for gay and lesbians with the word “queer”, which is no longer seen as a serious insult, so why can’t women do it with “slut”?

It’s time we took a page out of the book of Olive Penderghast from Easy A. When everyone started slandering her as a “slut” and a “whore”, she decided that instead of just lying down and accepting it, she’d claim it. Don’t shy away or let yourself be shut down when someone pulls out the s-word. As soon as women decide that “slut” isn’t going to be the silencing slur that it’s become, the stigma will disappear. Just because you wear a short dress, have a bit of a flirt with boys, or decide to engage in a one night tryst, doesn’t mean you were asking to be sexually assaulted. It doesn’t make you a dirty and overtly promiscuous woman. You have every right to do anything you want with your body, because, guess what? It’s YOUR body! So next time someone decides to try and silence you with the s-word, speak up. Claim it, love it, revel in it. Silence them instead. Let’s take “slut” back.

Everyone has a story of their first kiss. Good ones, bad ones, downright embarrassing ones. Back when my kiss virginity was still in tact, everyone told me that your first kiss isn’t a big deal. However, your first kiss, or lack thereof has more impact on your life than you think.  Your first kiss is the first intimate moment you have with someone. Whether it’s your very first kiss, or your first kiss with a new partner, it can set the tone for the whole relationship to come.

I was a late bloomer when it came to my first kiss. Still to this day, it was the most awkward and uncoordinated moment of my life. It was with my first ever boyfriend on his birthday, camping with his mates when we had a quick moment alone in our tent together. I actually bit him. I have no clue how I managed it, but I did. I still have a bit of a giggle about it to this day. At the time, I was absolutely mortified by the fact that I’d just bitten someone the first time I tried to kiss. Luckily, he was actually a very good kisser and my skill level picked up pretty quickly.

Talking to a friend the other day, the topic of kissing arose. We both unanimously agreed that if a guy was a bad kisser the first time around, we’d write him off. Potentially, he could’ve been nervous, or distracted or any number of reasons could’ve lead to the bad kiss we experienced, yet we were content to give him the heave-ho based on our first lip-locking. Who would’ve ever thought that first kiss would be so important?

In a society to focused on sex, it’s amazing how something as simply as a kiss could have so much meaning. A kiss for hello, a kiss for goodbye, a kiss to say “I want you now”, a kiss to say “I’ve missed you”, silly kisses between friends, silly kisses on the dancefloor. A kiss can say a thousand things that people could never verbalise. Never underestimate the power of a kiss.

I can still remember to this day, my dad giving my sister a lecture in the car about the different perspectives of men and women when it comes to sex. In most cases, he hit the name on the head. Women, tending to be more emotionally in-tuned than their male counterparts generally associate sex with love and attraction. However, men, being a lot more physically motivated, sex is simply a release. Women quite often begin to have feelings emerge following intimate relations. Whereas men are usually the ones who can walk away feeling physically satisfied with no emotional attachment. So when you begin to date a new guy, when is the right time to have sex with him?

The number of different answers I’ve heard to this question is quite ridiculous. My roommates had sex on the first date, an absolute dating taboo, however two years later they’re still together. My older sister had mentioned she’d waited at least a month with each guy she’d dated. I made my last boyfriend wait four months (However, he was my first time). When it comes to the time between first date and sex, there’s no set time frame. So how can you know that if you have sex on the fourth date, that he’ll still be there for a fifth? Truth is, you don’t.

Casual sex partners are another source of confusion. The ‘friends-with-benefits’ situation or ‘fuck buddies’ are a consistent source of emotional entanglement. It comes back to the age-old observation that if you have sex with the same person for long enough, you will develop an attachment to them. Interestingly enough, the person attaining feelings is basically an even split between than man and woman. Friends with extra benefits tacked on is a fun situation, but can turn bad relatively fast. So how do you avoid the emotional attachment? Once again, you can’t. It’s something you need to deal with in some way or another.

Men are not mindless sex-hunting wolves looking for the most vulnerable woman to take home. They are quite a few genuine men out there. There are a number of men who have been in the same situations as scorned women; blown off by their other half or developing feelings that hadn’t planned on. Men aren’t a totally different species. They’re still human beings with emotions and a heart. They’re just wired a little differently to females. However that being said, there are some real scumbags out there. Not just men, but women too. Some are sneaky, but usually they’re not hard to pick up on. It’s a matter of being observant.

What everything comes down to in the end is that choosing to be intimate with someone is a giant leap of faith. Faith that they’ll still feel the same the next day. Faith in yourself and your control over your emotions. Faith that someone won’t take advantage of the fact that you placed your faith in them. If you’re not willing to take that plunge, you shouldn’t be getting into that situation. When dating, don’t let yourself be talked into doing something you’re not overly keen on. When in a casual scenario, don’t make the mistake of thinking that because you’ve agreed on something, the situation can’t change. Whether it’s your first sexual encounter or you’re fiftieth, it’s a significant decision and you need to think of the implications so you aren’t jumping out of a plane without a parachute. Always make sure you pack a back up chute.

This was the eternally famous quote from Isla Fisher’s character in The Wedding Crashers. It was the trademark line of her slight psychotic and neurotic character who became inescapably attached to Vince Vaughn. However hilarious the movie was, the crazy clinginess of Isla Fisher’s character is suddenly becoming an every increasing trend among young women. It’s no wonder men are getting scared off!

There’s no denying that we are the Facebook generation. I, like so many others, have this undeniable need to share close to everything I do with my few hundred Facebook friends. I have always believed that in spite of my desire to broadcast my life, some parts are better left untold. Part of this is my love and sex life. Even while in a relationship, very rarely did I ever write on my boyfriend’s wall. It wasn’t something I found necessary. However, it seems that all my Facebook stream is clogging up with these days is declarations of electronic love.

TDAs (Technological Displays of Affection) and PDAs (Public Displays of Affection) are now all too common sights in our everyday lives. How often have you walked down the street only to find a couple vigorously eating face, much to the dismay of the general public? Or seen that one-month old relationship posting “I LOVE YOU, SWEETIE PIE!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOX <3<3<3” all over each others’ Facebook walls? Or, of course, the couple in the corner of the club’s dance floor who could just as well be having sex? It was only today that SouthBank Train Station I saw a woman signing love messages and blowing air kisses to her partner on the platform. I actually felt somewhat embarrassed for the both of them. What I’m trying to determine is why are all these couples, especially females, so determined to show everyone what should be a private part of their life?

Although it was a little while ago now, while I had my significant other, it wasn’t something I felt the need to broadcast. The most that was seen on Facebook was a change of relationship status and maybe a comment or two on his status updates. The most that was seen in public was hand holding and a quick peck. Maybe it’s because I’m not an overly affectionate person. Although, the thought that is becoming more and more likely to me, is that I was confident in the relationship. I knew that we were both content and happy with one another and, hence, didn’t feel the need to justify that to the hundreds of eyes of Facebook and the people in the street.

So why do so many feel the need to justify their relationship to everyone else? Some people don’t have the confidence in their relationships that they should. Whether it’s because of their past dating experiences or perhaps the history of the one their dating. This need to engage in TDAs and PDAs is all part of the ultimate plan to let as many people as possible know that that person is no longer on the market. Sometimes there’s been an event, concerned with family usually, that has caused a person to try to grasp onto any form of love or adoration that they can. There are reasons behind the crazy clingy people of the world.

These elaborate and unneeded displays of love are just that: unnecessary. It comes down to having confidence in the person you’re dating. If you feel to need to constantly prove to everyone that they’re yours, or that you are in love, frankly you shouldn’t be dating.

Regardless of our unrelenting need to share things, your sex and love life is something that should really be considered carefully before announcing your undying love or how kinky and sensual your sex life is. It does make others feel uncomfortable, irritated and even resentment. And it’s not just singles who feel this. Quite often, your significant other can become somewhat turned off, even scared by the consistent need for affection. ezinearticles.com actually cited the number 2 reason for men breaking up with women as being ‘high maintenance’ or ‘clinginess’. It’s no doing anyone any favours.

The best thing you can do is relax. Have trust and confidence in your partner. Let them do their own thing and you’ll get more back in the long run. For everyone else trying to brave the PDA/TDA storm, hold tight. Stop feeling annoyed every time you see some outlandish broadcast of love or sexual tensions. Instead smile. The fact that a person needs reassurance that everything is okay and they are love just proves that the relationship isn’t as rock solid as it appears. Treat it as your very own Facebook Bold and the Beautiful and things will seem a lot more amusing. Smile, laugh and chill.

The most hated question was posed to me by my beloved female roommate the other night. The question dreaded by singles everywhere;

“Why are you single?”

After she noticed my slightly irritated look, she quickly followed it up with “Because if I was a guy, I’d totally do you!” and began to rattle off traits she thought I pertained, which were appealing to the opposite sex. Of course, I know that no harm was meant by the passing comment. However, it still caused a pinch of irritation to be quizzed as to why, after a year and a half of singledom, I remained a citizen of this realm.

Although whenever this question is asked, it makes me consider all my negative faults as to why I might still be single. I talk a lot, I can be fair cynical and abrupt, I can be rude, I don’t forgive easily, I can be very shy with people I don’t know. It tends to make any single person want to cower away into a corner because of their ‘riding solo’ status. The question of why, is never intended to do this though. It’s usually because the enquirer honestly can’t see any significant flaws, therefore can’t comprehend why said single is, well, single!

When it comes down to it, every person who is without an important attachment has feelings of insecurity. It’s part and parcel of a being a part of a society that is so focused on sex and relationships. I think this is where the old proverb of “One man’s trash, is another man’s treasure” comes in.

There will always be people and members of the opposite sex who will never see the beauty that other’s see in you. Some people just have their vision clouded by other forces that you will never have any influence over. These people really aren’t worth your time. So don’t let them waste yours.

I could never understand girls who say they’re attracted to men who ‘treat them mean’ or are ‘bad boys’. By telling a man that, you’re basically giving him a “Get out of the dog-house free” card. You’re saying that he can do things to hurt you, and that’s okay, because he’s a bad boy and you should expect it. This is so wrong. Many girls need to break out of this stereotype.

The major problem with ‘single and looking’ girls is that they are stuck in this notion of their ‘type’. That they can only date that type of man because that’s their type.

For instance, my ‘type’ would be your cute rocker boy. All throughout my younger years, Joel Madden of Good Charlotte was my dream boy. Basically, a few tattoos, short messy hair, funky dress sense, confidence (but not cocky!), strong (physically and emotionally), and opinionated. That would quite possibly be my perfect man. However, reviewing the men I have dated in the past… only one had a tattoo (and that was on his bum!), only one has had a decent dress sense, and none of which would ever fit into the ‘cute rocker boy’ category. 

It’s all about keeping your options open. If I was to only ever date my specific ‘type’, I quite possibly would have never dated a man! None of these guys were my perfect match, but it was fun spending time with them. And in the end, that’s what dating is about! If you’re not having fun, it wouldn’t be a very good date, now would it? There is such a vast mixture of people out in the world today that sticking to a set subculture of people to share your relations with would be an absolute waste. 

Coming back to horrors of singledom, us singles need to relax. Focus on broadening your horizons, meeting people you wouldn’t normally talk to and have fun!!! If something isn’t essential and isn’t fun, DON’T DO IT! Don’t be afraid to try a different flavour, a different activity, a different club, a different social grouping. Stop being afraid of something that you don’t understand and instead go and try it out. That’s when you have the best times.

It was shortly after admitting to my mother that her little girl wasn’t as innocent as she thought anymore, that she told me “Too much emphasis is placed on girls’ virginity these days”. This was actually quite a comforting thought for me at the time since my first boyfriend and I had recently broken up. I didn’t have to feel guilty about wanting to be so close to someone.

It was only at work at a local restaurant where this conversation took place…

Girl: Did you know Lady Gaga didn’t loose her virginity til she was 17?

Me: Really? Kinda late…

Boy: Not really; it’s pretty average these days.

Me: Huh? Since when? Everyone I know lost theirs before 17.

Boy: Haha that’s cuz you grew up in Coffs Harbour.

Okay, so it wasn’t exactly those words. But it was along those lines. However, the idea of age of giving away your v-card intrigued me and I decided to investigate. My female roommate said she’d lost hers just before her 16th birthday. My male roommate shamefully admitted he was only 12. The 12 year old thing did result in my roomy being called a dirty pedo for the next few days. 

It was only about 2 years ago when 22 year old American woman, ‘Natalie Dylan’ (who didn’t want her name disclosed), decided to auction off her virginity on ebay. Before the auction had finished, her cherry had skyrocketed in value to above 2.5 million pounds. After having numerous men testify that it was a fantasy of their to take someone’s virginity, it made me wonder why.

Many men you talk to about sex will tell you inexperienced and unconfident women are horrible in the bedroom. So why were so many men so eager to have sex with someone who had never done anything remotely sexual before? And why was so much criticism being placed on this woman?

I am quite happy that I waited when it came to virginity. I’m happy that my first time was with someone I trusted and was in a relationship with. But as to why women are criticized and called ‘sluts’ for choosing to have sex for other reasons is beyond me. Since when did someone else’s choice on their sexual persona have anything to do with someone else?

I remember, after a night out at the movies, sitting at the wharf of my home town with one of my best friends (who happens to be male). After my incessant nagging for 3 days, he finally gave in and told me how many girls he’d had sex with. However, something he said really stuck with me;

“It doesn’t change anything, so why does it matter?”

This statement was and is completely and totally 100% true. Regardless of how many girls he’d had sex with, I wasn’t going to think about him any differently.

So coming back to what I was originally talking about; in the end, virginity is a personal choice. It is nothing to be ashamed of. And in the end, whether you’re a virgin until marriage, or loose your virginity at 12 like my roomy, it shouldn’t affect how people perceive you. Why is this? Because what you do in your bedroom is absolutely nobody else’s business. And that’s the way it should stay.

I have to shamefully admit that in the not too distant past, I was one of those girls who felt jealous of every happy couple she saw, felt a little pang of annoyance every time I saw someone’s Facebook status go from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’, felt like there was someone wrong with me because I was without a significant other. Throughout my school years, I was dubbed the ‘frigid’ one, much to my dismay. Whether I liked it or not, I was the ‘single girl’. This was until Year 12, when I finally settled for someone who didn’t quite fit my bill (Sorry if you’re reading this Wilcox, but it’s true). Of course, it didn’t end well. However, looking back I’m starting to question things; Why did I feel there was this expectation for me to be in a relationship? Why was I ‘frigid’ simply because none of the idiots in my year group took my fancy?

No matter where you go or what you do these days, you’re confronted by the barrage of expectation for you to  in a relationship or aiming to be in one. I suppose this dates back to the the early 1900s and before when women simply had to be married or she’d be criticized and outcast from society, eventually turning into the crazy cat lady who occasionally makes appearances on episodes of The Simpsons.

For some reason unbeknownst to anyone I can find, this anticipation has carried on into the 21st Century. Women driven to pursue careers are often insulted because they have chosen to either put their reproductive system on the back-burner or forgo it completely. One of the most notable of these women would be our very own Prime Minister, Julia Gillard. Love her or hate her, she was been the target of several sexist attacks solely because she has made the decision to focus on her political career instead of starting a family or getting married. I am at a complete loss to understand how the fact she isn’t married affects the way she governs the country. However, those comments and critiques are still well and truely out there.

Cinematic productions are another source enforcing the idea of pursuing a relationship. In nearly every movie you see, there will be the typical ‘boy meets girl’ side story. Even in a movie which glamorizes the notion of ‘fuck buddies’ or ‘friends with benefits’, the two characters eventually end up in a relationship. All of this makes me think; why are we all so desperate to be in a relationship?

At age nineteen, I have finally come to the realization that I don’t need a boy in my life to enjoy myself. That no-one ‘needs’ a relationship. Of course, we all have those nights where it would be nice to come home to find, not a pile of work, but a man to snuggle up to and east chocolate with.

We’re at an age where our lives are just beginning. We have so much freedom to enjoy. Why are we wasting time wishing for something that should just happen naturally? I’ve been told chemistry happens when you don’t really care about it or have time to spend thinking about it. I can actually vouch for this too. Since deciding that I don’t have the time or any real desire for a partner, I have never received so much attention from men. It is RIDICULOUS.

The real moral of the story here is that you need to drop the expectations and just focus on enjoying yourself. Once you realize your attention should be on becoming the best person you can and furthering yourself, everything else will fall into place. You’ll not only be a happier person, but you’re also not going to settle for the wrong man. High standards are not a bad thing and neither is being picky. Who knows? When you stop thinking about searching out your Prince Charming and enjoy life, he may just sneak up behind you without you even realizing.