(via grumpyprincess)

I couldn’t understand why I felt the attraction to watch Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland the other night. Mia Wasikowska’s acting is pretty bad and the storyline is nearly non-existent. Yet I still felt this strange compulsion to watch it. It wasn’t until one of the Mad Hatter’s most famous lines that things clicked. There’s a part in the movie where the Mad Hatter turns to Alice and says “You used to be much more… “muchier”. You’ve lost your muchness.” This idea of someone losing their ‘muchness’ rung a bell inside my mind. But the word doesn’t even exist, and not only that, it’s coming from a character that is completely bonkers. How much meaning could “muchness” really have?

According to Phrases.org.uk muchness is defined as “similar - difficult to distinguish”. Later on they give another meaning as “physical magnitude or largeness”. However, I didn’t think either of these is what the Mad Hatter was referring to when talking to Alice. After trawling through the special features of the DVD, I think I managed to gain a better hold on the notion of “Muchness”. It’s having that little bit extra, that point of difference, that subtle confidence in who you are; it’s being slightly fiesty, standing up for what you believe in, that specific x-factor that defines you from everyone else around you. That little something that you that noone else could copy. Muchness is having the confidence to believe in who you are and what you do.

Lately, it feels like my muchness has disappeared. After a series of unfortunate events in my life in the last few weeks, things seemed to finally peak on Tuesday night when I discovered that alcohol and emotions are a horrible mix. My muchness had dropped to levels to low it was unrecognisable. My lack of confidence in myself and those around me resulted in me possibly screwing things up with a person I had just started to become friends with again. I’m hoping I didn’t ruin things, but it’s a distinct and real possibility that I did. I don’t know if they still would want to be friends after my drunk bullshit, and I wouldn’t blame them if they didn’t. It’s the just consequences of letting things get out of control in my life.

There is a boy I know who practically defines muchness. He lives a while away from me, but every time we talk, he never fails to make me feel better. He is constantly happy. He is constantly being silly. He is totally confident in who he is and what he does and because of this, he attracts all the right people. That’s the thing about muchness, if you have it, you will attract nothing but good things and good people. You never feel lonely or upset; things can only ever stay the same or get better. If everyone had the same muchness as him, the world would be a better and much friendlier place.

I’m determined to find my muchness again. I want to find the self confidence I had, find the determination that I had, find who was before the occurrences of recent weeks. I know I have my niche that makes me different to everyone. I just retrace my footsteps to find where I dropped it along my way. Today I feel like I may have found a bit of my muchness. I’m not going to stop until I completely recover it. Maybe just in having the determination to rediscover my muchness I’m already part of the way there?

All I’m emphasizing here is don’t lose your muchness; don’t lose sight of what makes you who you are and what makes you happy. There are a lot of people in this life that will try to take your muchness to cover up the fact that they have none. Don’t be angry at them, instead help them on the way to finding their muchness again. Whoever knew that such a crazy person as the Mad Hatter could be so insightful?