I can never understand why people are so eager to confine others into little glass boxes, especially when it comes to women. I guess small-minded people find it easier to understand others if they can drop them into certain categories. One of the most common categories for women is the “Slut” box. I can basically guarantee that every girl over the age of thirteen has been called one of the above slurs. “Slut” is the ultimate form of verbal ‘shut-downs’ when it comes to women. There’s not a whole lot a woman can say when someone labels her a ‘slut’. As Rachel Hills in Cosmopolitan magazine says, it’s a way of silencing women. And it’s about time women started standing up to “slut”, instead shrinking away.

I can still clearly remember the first time I was labelled. I was thirteen, at high school and walking back to my circle of friends after visiting the canteen. As I walked past a group of boys, I heard one of them fling the slur at me. I had a split second where I contemplated what to do about the situation: I could keep walking and just let it go, or tell this arrogant, immature, little boy where to shove it. Being the fiesty little bitch I am, I was never going to take it lying down. I turned around and put him in his place. When I walked away, all of his mates were snickering about the fact he’d just been chewed out by a girl and that, even better, he was absolutely speechless.

Now a lot of women don’t have the confidence to take on their abusers. This needs to change. It isn’t about having confidence, it’s about female human rights. No one — male or female, old or young, black or white — has any right to degrade or abuse you. Frankly, it is absolutely no one else’s business how many people you have slept with, how frequently you have 24-hour flings, or who you choose to have sex with. But these days, “slut” is a lot more than just a name for a promiscuous woman.

In 2006, Sheikh al-Hilaly, a muslim cleric, stated that adultery and sexual abuse towards women was “90 per cent the women’s responsibility”. According to him, because women wear make up, wears short clothes, or even greets a man in a flirty manner, they were asking to be raped. It’s scary how many men and women seem to agree with this. No matter what you’re wearing, no matter how drunk you are, no matter who or how many people you’ve hooked up with, there is no reason for you to be called a slut or for you to be taken advantage of.

On the 3rd of April, 2011, SlutWalk happened in Toronto, Canada. What incited this was  a Toronto police officer was caught calling women at risk of sexual assault “sluts”. SlutWalk was a march organised in protest of this. 3,000 - 4,000 women walked producing an array of colourful signs, featuring “It’s my hot body, I’ll do what I want!” and “SLUTS SAY YES”. What this march really proved is that women do have the power to take control over “slut” back. It worked for gay and lesbians with the word “queer”, which is no longer seen as a serious insult, so why can’t women do it with “slut”?

It’s time we took a page out of the book of Olive Penderghast from Easy A. When everyone started slandering her as a “slut” and a “whore”, she decided that instead of just lying down and accepting it, she’d claim it. Don’t shy away or let yourself be shut down when someone pulls out the s-word. As soon as women decide that “slut” isn’t going to be the silencing slur that it’s become, the stigma will disappear. Just because you wear a short dress, have a bit of a flirt with boys, or decide to engage in a one night tryst, doesn’t mean you were asking to be sexually assaulted. It doesn’t make you a dirty and overtly promiscuous woman. You have every right to do anything you want with your body, because, guess what? It’s YOUR body! So next time someone decides to try and silence you with the s-word, speak up. Claim it, love it, revel in it. Silence them instead. Let’s take “slut” back.

Superheroes are an inbuilt creative motif of our society. The amazing, handsome, incredibly skilled and powerful beings who set out to protect us from danger. Sometimes it may not seem like it to the general public, but they always have the best intentions for society in mind. Aeon Flux, although not as well know as other female superheroes, would probably be my absolute favourite super heroine. However, these super humans can’t handle having to be ‘super’ 24/7, so they create their alter egos. Superman had Clark Kent, Spiderman had Peter Parker, Batman had Bruce Wayne and Aeon Flux had, well, civilian Aeon Flux. We don’t realise, but we all have our own forms of alter egos. We all play the parts assigned to us at one time or another, but whether this is good for our self esteem or not is another matter.

Confidence and self-assurance is something most struggle with from time-to-time, especially in our youth. With the pressures of society to live up to the images of the brooding, handsome and oh-so confident ladies man persona and the attractive, seductive and assertive female ideal, things become a little complicated. More than once, it has been advertised to ‘fake it ‘til your make it’ with self-assurance. This is where the creation of alternate personalities emerge. 

And it’s not just the average person who is putting on a mask for the public. Everyone does it. Politicians are prime examples. Controversy was abound when recent Tony Abbott was caught revealing his true personality with soldiers in Iraq. When informed of complications in an operation resulting in the death of a soldier, his reply came with an unfiltered, “Shit happens”. Outrage at this comment was everywhere. Tony Abbott’s conservative and polished appearance had cracks emerging in the surface. The general public failed to realise that Abbott had forgotten to turn on his political alter ego that day.

Even I have a created version of myself. A supremely confident, talkative and somewhat mischievous version of myself. My alter ego usually makes an appearance while I’m at work in retail and on rare occasions when I’m out on the town. She’s been there for so long now, that I can’t imagine not having my other personality to slip into. However, I make sure I know the difference between who I am and who she is.

It’s when the lines between your mask and your real self become blurred that problems start to emerge. I used to know a boy who had worn his alternate personality until it became him. He told me, he thought he was bland and dull, so he created someone else and played that part for so long until it was him. I can’t blame him for wanting to be someone else as he was teased a lot when he was very young.

I always had been supportive of self improvement, however self reinvention was another thing. I always believed your true self was something that couldn’t be hidden forever. I believe I was right. Every so often, you’d see part of his old persona — his true persona — shine through. He was probably one of the most confused people I’ve ever met.

You can never complete cover up who you were. Nor should you try. You can never completely obliterate what was once there. There will always be remnants of the old personality there. The only thing it causes is confusion as to who you really are and what you really want. A mask can’t replace a human being.

Alter egos are a fantastic tool, if used correctly. They can help advance careers, get that guy, or struggle through that speech assessment. But they need to be kept in context. They are a mask. No matter how long you wear that mask, it’s never going to become your face. If you want to believe it is you, it’ll only lead to mixed-up morals and varying values. People will eventually see that it is a mask and wonder why you’re so afraid of the real you. 

Have fun with the other you. Play, laugh, enjoy it. It is a part of you who are. But it isn’t the whole you and it never will be. See alter egos for what they are; the other version of you, the superhero version of you. Just keep in mind that even though you’re wearing a cape and your underwear outside your clothes, it doesn’t mean you can fly.

“I still want to be friends”

Something I could never understand about about a diminishing relationship is how often this line is tacked onto the end of the break up speech. It’s happened to me and I’m sure countless others have experienced it too. However, the thing I find even stranger than this is how two people who once shared intimate relations can remain ‘friends’ with no more jealousy or slight romantic tension between them. 

According to sources, the Royal Wedding occurring at the end of this month, between Kate Middleton and Prince William, will feature several of their former flames. Exes at their wedding. Whether it’s the rub it in their faces that they are now happily in love, or because they genuinely want to ‘be friendly’, I can’t see how this wouldn’t ring alarm bells with their current lover.

I’d had several friends attempt to stay friends post-break up. I have only seen it successfully work a few times. Regardless of whether or not you would like to be in a relationship with your ex-lover, there will always be the memory that once upon a time, they were yours. Ownership doesn’t dissipate easily.

My ex-boyfriend always made a point that he stayed friends with all his former flames. He thought it was assuring that he wouldn’t hurt me. So when it was my turn to change from current to former, there was the ‘line’, staring me in the face; “I still want to be friends with you because I think you’re an amazing person”. I made the executive decision to not take up his offer.

At the time, it was solely meant to be a stab to his ego because now he wasn’t friends with all his ex-girlfriends. But, looking back it really was the right choice. Although it may be hard to cut off all contact with your former lover, in my experience it’s the only way to truly move on. 

Some girls seem to find the period after mourning the loss, the hardest part: moving on. Sometimes it is hard to give up on someone that you once felt so much for. But it needs to be looked at objectively. You lived without them for several years and survived. You were happy. You had friends. You had a life. There was a time, before their arrival where you were content in life without that person in it. All that moving on takes is to search and find that place once again.

Living in a city of over 2 million people with your ex, of course, makes things a bit easier than when you’re living in a town of 2 thousand. You would think you would never have to see that certain someone ever again. What would the odds be of seeing them again? 1 in 2 million? Well, since moving to Brisbane City, I have seen my ex-boyfriend no less than 3 times in 4 months. In a city of over 2 MILLION PEOPLE. All you need to do is keep your head high, stand proud and smile.

I know several girls who only want to hurt their exes after a relationship. It once again comes back to the ‘moving on’ stage. These girls, or guys as well, haven’t decided to move on. Instead they dwell on pain that’s been cause and decide to return that. The best way of showing your ex that you’ve moved on or if you just want to piss them off, is to be happy and content. Show them that you’re better off without them. You don’t need them in your life. Because the truth it, you don’t. If someone doesn’t have the time of day for you, why should you waste time on them?

Then we come to another phase of the break-up. One that I see all too often these days. It’s usually a cry for attention, and is often in no way serious. The “I’ve given up on men/women”. To judge a whole gender off the actions of a few idiots is ridiculous. It’s like racism. You’re simply moving on from hurting. To make such judgements is simply dumb. There was a time there when I felt like I would never find anyone who would have feelings for me again. I know now that I was wrong. There’s an old saying that, no matter how old you are, what race, gender, religion, hair colour, eye colour, education level, whatever… there will always be at least 2 people in the world that will love you for who you are. It’s true.

Use break-ups as a time of learning, re-invention and discovery. You will never learn more about who you are than at this point. Since my break up, which was now around 18 months ago, I have learnt more about who I am and who I want to be than I ever could’ve in a relationship or before break-up. 

Let yourself feel what you’re feeling. But don’t let it consume your life. Love is a great feeling and it is an even better thing to share with someone. By letting yourself become depressed over someone no longer reiterating that feeling, you’re loosing the whole purpose of love and relationships.

There’ll be a day where you find someone who is absolutely perfect, and then you’ll realise why you had to go through all the duds. You were simply figuring out all the components of your perfect partner.  If you focus on becoming the best person you can be, you won’t feel the need to fall hopelessly and pointlessly in and out of relationships. Single time is you time. Enjoy it.

One of my idols has always been Christina Aguilera. Not just because she quite possibly has the most amazing voice I’ve ever heard. She is also an incredibly strong woman who will always stand by her beliefs and will never back down. The feminist movement was in full swing during the 1990s, but in recent years has suddenly taken a downward swing. And all I have to ask, is why?

In the 21st Century, you’d think the least of our troubles would be a woman’s right to stand up for herself. However, we are still faced by throngs of people who are intimidated by a woman with an opinion. And it’s not just men. No doubt you’ve heard women make snide comments about other females. “She’s such a bitch”, “What a slut”. Why are we so scared of a female who decides not to take a submissive role?

It’s like we’ve regressed back to the days of High School, when a girl was called a slut because she’d had sex with her boyfriend. Or was called a bitch when she offered an opinion that didn’t sit well with others. This teenage mentality seems to carry on into adulthood. I’ve experienced women in their 40s still resorting to call others ‘bitches’ or ‘sluts’, simply because they couldn’t handle a strong woman.

What is it about a woman with an opinion that scares people? My guess is that it dates back to the early 1900s and late 1800s. Actually, until the last 50 years, women were always under the pretense that they should “be seen and not heard”. It was since the World Wars and the development of the oral contraceptive pill that women began to really take a stand. Some women and men have decided to keep living in these times, regardless of the vast changes going on around them. Some men seem to find it intimidating to find a woman who isn’t going to bow to their every need and mindlessly agree with what they have to say. Some women are jealous of the confidence that others have and strike out at it.

It can be hard to take a stand when society is still subliminally focused on women taking a submissive role. How often do you see women dumbing themselves down for a man, holding back on their opinions for fear of being judged, too scared to approach a man because of what he might think? It occurs everywhere throughout our society.

Those women who take pride in their confidence are always at a threat of getting knocked down. Christina Aguilera was constantly called a ‘slut’ throughout the promotion of her Stripped album because of the way she dressed. Noone ever thought that she might have been making a statement about the way society thinks about female promiscuity.

The way society thinks about female sexual relations is another source of anti-feminism. It is actually the topic of one of Aguilera’s songs, Can’t Hold Us Down. Why is it that it’s socially acceptable for a man to have more sexual partners than a female? Why is it because you’re a woman, you’re immediately a whore if you choose to engage in casual sexual relations? Why are men expected to have one night stands, but a woman is suddenly looked down on because she decides to have a 24 hour fling?

It is about time women decided to become a little more mean. It’s that nastiness and persistence that shakes things up and creates change. The more women choose to speak up, the quicker things will advance. Every great and memorable moment in history has been caused by someone deciding that things needed to change and making their views known.

You are not a slut for having sexual desires. You are not a bitch for having an opinion. If people can’t handle your thoughts and opinions, they are clearly not mature enough to have a proper relationship with. Eventually, these people will understand, but until that day, there is absolutely no need to change. Be loud, be proud and make yourself known.

When Lady Gaga, the new Queen of Pop, arrived on the scene, she received nothing but criticism and insult from everyone. She was being called for everything from all angles. Everything from ‘freak’ to ‘she’s a man’ was in rotation. I admit that I was one of these people. That was until she released Paparazzi and it blew my mind. She soon gained a strong fanbase and became the superpower of music culture is she today.

The remarkable thing about all of this is that throughout all the critique and nasty things being echoed about her, Gaga never changed herself. She stayed true to who she was. Regardless of whether society as a whole misunderstood her, she took pride in being completely unique and different from anything. It made her happy to stand out from the crowd. It was her niche. However, it makes me question, what has happened to society to cause such a dramatic shift away from anything that is a little bit left of centre?

Being one who often shied away from the norms, I had always found myself on the outer, so to speak. During school I was know as ‘the emo kid’ until about 11th Grade. From there, I became one of the art geeks. But even there, I didn’t exactly fit in. I’d often complain to my parents, telling them “I’m not normal!”. It wasn’t until the day when my parents began turning it back on me that I began to think. It all started one day when my dad asked me “What is normal, Shelby?”

‘What is normal?’, indeed. In this point in time where there are more subcultures than clothing stores, life is starting to look a little bit like a restaurant menu. But these days it’s not so simple as lumping people into categories. Subcultures are beginning to merge and blend together. Scene is barely definable from emo, which is a bit difficult to tell apart from alternative, which could easily be compared to hipster. But why on earth are we trying to cram everyone into these little boxes? Why do we need these stupid boxes in the first place?

You’d think that by the time we had moved into the 21st Century, life would have become a little more refined. However, apparently society is still scared by anything that changed societal norms and society’s accepted way or going about things. It was quoted by J.K. Galbraith (a professor I learnt about in Marketing) that when “faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof”. People would rather ridicule that which they don’t understand, rather than attempt to understand.

I resent this. Being a person who never judges until after I get to know someone (however, I am guilty of judging people who don’t dress well), I love to meet others who take pride in being that little bit left of centre. It’s these people that make life interesting. 

Living in a city has opened my eyes to how many assorted types of persona there actually is. being human beings, we like to believe we ‘fit in’ with everyone else. We often alter parts of our personality just to blend in with others and to be considered ‘normal’. After much deliberation, I can’t fathom why someone would want to be considered ‘normal’, ‘regular’, ‘ordinary’ or bland. Or why someone would want to ‘blend in’.

We are all subliminally told that being different isn’t right. That fitting into society’s norms and accepted lifestyle is the only way to get anywhere in life. You only have to look at Lady Gaga to see this isn’t true. Her whole fame is built around the fact that she refuses to conform to society’s ways. There is absolutely no category that you could squeeze her into. And why would you want to? She’s Lady Gaga. She has a category all of her own.

That’s the way people need to begin thinking about themselves. You don’t need to clamber into any labelled cardboard boxes or jump into subcultural soup. Uniqueness and originality are dying traits. It’s about time these we seen, not as a personality defect, but as something to be embraced.

It’s time to be proud of who you are and what you do. In the words of Gaga, “You’re on the right track, baby; You were born this way”.

It was only the other day when my roommate and I laughed about how long we’d know each other. It actually started when we were in the city having coffee and she fell asleep mid-sentence. She has a night job, so I couldn’t blame her. Regardless, we’d survived the rigours and trials, the bitch fights and the snide remarks, the experimentation and possibly damaging rollarcoaster that is high school. After those 6 years of chaos, we’d emerged still in one piece and still maintaing a friendly relationship. It’s now 7 years after we first met and we’re living together.

However, as much as secondary school is supposed to be this time of self discovery and self actualisation, I’ve realised that perhaps some of us are just late bloomers. In fact, maybe, just maybe, the majority of us are late bloomers. How many times have you heard about 20-somethings changing their university degrees halfway through?(I’m actually one of these people) How many times have you looked at photographs of people you knew in high school and thought “Wow, they got hot/ugly/slim/fat/somehow changed dramatically”?

I’ll admit, high school was not the highlight of my life so far. For me, it was a lot more confusion, rejection, isolation and stress than delving into who I really was and who I wanted to be. In all honesty, I hated secondary school with a passion. But by no means would I undo any of it. Looking back, high school actually taught me numerous life lessons that I will never forget.

Always be yourself.

True friends don’t treat you like trash.

Hard work will always get you where you want to go. But knowing people helps too.

But the things I learnt after I left outweighed all of this.

Most significantly, there’s not some magical place that you can find that will tell you who you are and who you want to be. That is not for you to ‘discover’. You have to make the decision, not wait for it to be made for you.

Last night, I had this very conversation with my male roommate’s friend. He told me he had no idea who he was or where he wanted to be. I could sympathize with him as only 14 months ago, I was in this very situation.

After finishing secondary school, I was left with nothing but an empty feeling in my stomach and complete and utter disarray. I had been so determined since I was 15 to attend University to study a Bachelor of Criminology/Bachelor of Forensic Science. However, when I discovered I’d been granted entry into my university of choice to get into that very degree, I wasn’t excited in the slightest. I didn’t find any interest in that category anymore. All my ‘friends’ from school moving away to attend university, and that I had recent gone through a messy break up, hadn’t helped with this too much either.

Truthfully, I attribute everything that I have learnt about myself up until this point in my life to 3 sources. My parents who have taught me that it is 100% okay to be me. My sisters who taught me that you’re allowed to change your mind and that you should never give up on what you want. And my gap year.

There was times I completely regretted taking a year off before university. There were other times when I loved it. Through all the ups and downs of the year between the adolescent life and  true adulthood, I discovered where I was going and what I was passionate about. I learnt that you don’t just wait for someone or something to pop up and tell you who you are. You need to take charge of you life and decide what you want and who you’re going to be.

Taking charge of your life is something that is often difficult in high school due to peer pressure, psycho teachers and the ever-looming Year 12 Final Examinations. You’re expected to know exactly what you want to do with your life from the age of 15. This is so unrealistic. At 19, I’m still trying to figure out where I want to go with my career, with my love life, with my friends, with everything really. My father, who is over 50, has changed careers several times in his life and upon asking him what he wants to be, his response is usually “I don’t know” or “I haven’t decided yet” or better still, “I want to be happy and useful”.

The real time to decide what you want from life is when you have time to be yourself without outside forces pushing views, opinions and life choices onto you. There are days I think taking a gap year was stupid, but the majority of the time I realise it was exactly what I needed.

High school was never a time to decide what you intend to do with the rest of your life. You’re simply not mature enough for it. I don’t even think I’m mature enough to decide now, at 19 years old. The thing you need to remember is that you are the one who living your life. Not your parents. Not your teachers, lecturers or tutors. Not you boyfriend, your girlfriend or significant other. You need to decide what is best for you because you’re the only one who knows what that is. It may take some time to make that decision, but that’s okay. It’s the most important and exciting decision you’ll ever make so it’s natural to take some time with it.

The best advice I can give you that I have acquired in my short life is this; Enjoy the ride, because you never know what’s around the corner. Keep living life to the fullest. Remember that tomorrow is not another day, it’s a new opportunity. Make the most of what you’ve been given.

It was shortly after admitting to my mother that her little girl wasn’t as innocent as she thought anymore, that she told me “Too much emphasis is placed on girls’ virginity these days”. This was actually quite a comforting thought for me at the time since my first boyfriend and I had recently broken up. I didn’t have to feel guilty about wanting to be so close to someone.

It was only at work at a local restaurant where this conversation took place…

Girl: Did you know Lady Gaga didn’t loose her virginity til she was 17?

Me: Really? Kinda late…

Boy: Not really; it’s pretty average these days.

Me: Huh? Since when? Everyone I know lost theirs before 17.

Boy: Haha that’s cuz you grew up in Coffs Harbour.

Okay, so it wasn’t exactly those words. But it was along those lines. However, the idea of age of giving away your v-card intrigued me and I decided to investigate. My female roommate said she’d lost hers just before her 16th birthday. My male roommate shamefully admitted he was only 12. The 12 year old thing did result in my roomy being called a dirty pedo for the next few days. 

It was only about 2 years ago when 22 year old American woman, ‘Natalie Dylan’ (who didn’t want her name disclosed), decided to auction off her virginity on ebay. Before the auction had finished, her cherry had skyrocketed in value to above 2.5 million pounds. After having numerous men testify that it was a fantasy of their to take someone’s virginity, it made me wonder why.

Many men you talk to about sex will tell you inexperienced and unconfident women are horrible in the bedroom. So why were so many men so eager to have sex with someone who had never done anything remotely sexual before? And why was so much criticism being placed on this woman?

I am quite happy that I waited when it came to virginity. I’m happy that my first time was with someone I trusted and was in a relationship with. But as to why women are criticized and called ‘sluts’ for choosing to have sex for other reasons is beyond me. Since when did someone else’s choice on their sexual persona have anything to do with someone else?

I remember, after a night out at the movies, sitting at the wharf of my home town with one of my best friends (who happens to be male). After my incessant nagging for 3 days, he finally gave in and told me how many girls he’d had sex with. However, something he said really stuck with me;

“It doesn’t change anything, so why does it matter?”

This statement was and is completely and totally 100% true. Regardless of how many girls he’d had sex with, I wasn’t going to think about him any differently.

So coming back to what I was originally talking about; in the end, virginity is a personal choice. It is nothing to be ashamed of. And in the end, whether you’re a virgin until marriage, or loose your virginity at 12 like my roomy, it shouldn’t affect how people perceive you. Why is this? Because what you do in your bedroom is absolutely nobody else’s business. And that’s the way it should stay.

I have to shamefully admit that in the not too distant past, I was one of those girls who felt jealous of every happy couple she saw, felt a little pang of annoyance every time I saw someone’s Facebook status go from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’, felt like there was someone wrong with me because I was without a significant other. Throughout my school years, I was dubbed the ‘frigid’ one, much to my dismay. Whether I liked it or not, I was the ‘single girl’. This was until Year 12, when I finally settled for someone who didn’t quite fit my bill (Sorry if you’re reading this Wilcox, but it’s true). Of course, it didn’t end well. However, looking back I’m starting to question things; Why did I feel there was this expectation for me to be in a relationship? Why was I ‘frigid’ simply because none of the idiots in my year group took my fancy?

No matter where you go or what you do these days, you’re confronted by the barrage of expectation for you to  in a relationship or aiming to be in one. I suppose this dates back to the the early 1900s and before when women simply had to be married or she’d be criticized and outcast from society, eventually turning into the crazy cat lady who occasionally makes appearances on episodes of The Simpsons.

For some reason unbeknownst to anyone I can find, this anticipation has carried on into the 21st Century. Women driven to pursue careers are often insulted because they have chosen to either put their reproductive system on the back-burner or forgo it completely. One of the most notable of these women would be our very own Prime Minister, Julia Gillard. Love her or hate her, she was been the target of several sexist attacks solely because she has made the decision to focus on her political career instead of starting a family or getting married. I am at a complete loss to understand how the fact she isn’t married affects the way she governs the country. However, those comments and critiques are still well and truely out there.

Cinematic productions are another source enforcing the idea of pursuing a relationship. In nearly every movie you see, there will be the typical ‘boy meets girl’ side story. Even in a movie which glamorizes the notion of ‘fuck buddies’ or ‘friends with benefits’, the two characters eventually end up in a relationship. All of this makes me think; why are we all so desperate to be in a relationship?

At age nineteen, I have finally come to the realization that I don’t need a boy in my life to enjoy myself. That no-one ‘needs’ a relationship. Of course, we all have those nights where it would be nice to come home to find, not a pile of work, but a man to snuggle up to and east chocolate with.

We’re at an age where our lives are just beginning. We have so much freedom to enjoy. Why are we wasting time wishing for something that should just happen naturally? I’ve been told chemistry happens when you don’t really care about it or have time to spend thinking about it. I can actually vouch for this too. Since deciding that I don’t have the time or any real desire for a partner, I have never received so much attention from men. It is RIDICULOUS.

The real moral of the story here is that you need to drop the expectations and just focus on enjoying yourself. Once you realize your attention should be on becoming the best person you can and furthering yourself, everything else will fall into place. You’ll not only be a happier person, but you’re also not going to settle for the wrong man. High standards are not a bad thing and neither is being picky. Who knows? When you stop thinking about searching out your Prince Charming and enjoy life, he may just sneak up behind you without you even realizing.

I was brought up in a household where no questions were stupid and no topic was too strange or out-of-field. I suppose you could call it a very liberal and free upbringing. I had a it a hell of a lot better than several other people I know. I was told from when since before I can even remember that i could do whatever I wanted to do and be whoever I wanted to be. As long as it’s not harming yourself or the ones who loved you, why should it matter? This notion is most definitely something I have lived my life too. I refuse to judge people by the colour of their skin, their sexual orientation, the music they listen to, their beliefs, loves, or personal choices. I guess this is why I can never understand people being so judgmental towards others. I had never experienced much prejudice, being a young, caucasian female from a good family. This was until I made the decision to get my first tattoo.

I can’t quite remember my mum or dad’s first tattoos, but I do remember the ones that followed. They waited until they were well into their 30s before receiving their first ink. My sister wasn’t as patient and I can clearly remember her going to get her first tattoo when she was 18. Beautiful pink lilies (my favourite flower FYI) on the back of her calf. It was from this moment I knew that I wanted to join them in this love of body art. 

I can remember being only 12 years old and discussing with my parents where I wanted tattoos in the future and all  wanted for my 18th birthday was a tattoo voucher. I can recall at 16, begging my parents to let my get a tattoo for my 17th birthday. Their theory was “Your sister had to wait, so you do too”. I thought it was the worst rule in the world. But the day I turned 18 and got my voucher, I knew it had been well worth the wait.

The few months before my 18th, I’d researched around a little bit. I ended up settling on an owl I found through google. I figured, I’d just finished high school, I was going into the real world and this was an entirely new environment. I needed wisdom and someone to watch my back to make sure I didn’t get hurt. 

I won’t lie; tattoos are painful depending on where you get them. I had it somewhat easy because my owl on my back was my first tattoo. The back really wasn’t that bad in retrospect. I’d been getting a little scared after watching some of those ridiculous drama queens on the YouTube. If you any ANY sort of pain tolerance, tattoos will not bring you to the point of screaming or crying. Of course you’re quite often sitting there repeating in your mind, “This sucks balls”, but really, it’s not bad. It kinda feels like scraping a hot match across your skin. It sounds a little horrible, but I can’t think of another way to describe it.

I loved my owl. I’ve loved my owl since the day it was done. However, not everyone was as keen on my body art as others. Numerous people had something to say, and sometimes they weren’t too nice.

There was the usual, “What about when you get old and wrinkly???” Uh, well when I’m 60 I can’t see myself running around in mini-shorts and a crop top. I’ll probably be dressing somewhat conservatively so you won’t be able to see them anyways.

There was, “Don’t you think you’ll regret it?”. My answer? No. As far as I’m concerned, if you’re not 100% sure on what your getting done, you shouldn’t be getting a tattoo. It’s as simple as that. If that art means something to you, it represents a point in your life, it represents something you hold dear or something you never want to forget about, you WILL NOT regret it.

Then of course, there’s the judgmental people who only want to ridicule your life choices because their unhappy with their own. Frankly, these peoples’ remarks mean less than nothing to me. When I get a tattoo, I get it for me. I get it because I love it, because it means something to me, because I couldn’t give a fuck what you think about it.

To me, tattoos are beautiful. They are the ultimate form of self-expression and creativity. They quite literally wearable art that has been completed solely for your enjoyment. Also, tattoos are pretty damn sexy on a man as well (Says the girl who’s yet to date a man with a tattoo haha).

When it comes down to it, tattoos are a personal life choice. Love them, hate them or couldn’t give a fuck about them, a lot of people you see these days have them. With the number of people with tattoos on the increase, I’m still yet to understand why people feel the need to criticise those who have them so harshly.

In many professional jobs, if you have any visible tattoos, you will not have a chance. As someone who is aiming for a professional career, I can’t understand why having body art plays such a huge role in your ability to do the job. It is art on your skin. Not a mental or physical disorder.

As I was saying, tattoos are a personal life choice. And the way I was brought up, you shouldn’t be judged for any life choice you have made. If it doesn’t hurt yourself or the ones you love, why does it matter? So stop being so fucking judgement. Tattoos are not going away anytime soon. So you may as well sit back and watch the creativity flow.