How many of you have heard the claim that humans only use 10% of their brain power at any time? I’d say most of you. This is the rumour that the movie, Limitless, is based around. Protagonist, Eddie Morra, is in a dark rut in his life. Dumped by his girlfriend and a failed writer, things can’t seem to get much worse. This is until he’s introduced to the intelligence-enhancing drug, NZT. NZT apparently allows people to access 100% of their brain power as opposed to the regular 10%. Aside from a few hiccups, Eddie’s life turns around pretty quickly. Now unfortunately NZT isn’t a real creation and the 10% brain power theory is a myth, however this movie makes an important point about the human mind: it is a VERY powerful thing.

There is an urban fable that all bad thing happen in groups of three. Everyone has had one of ‘those days’ where nothing seems to go right, everything ends up haywire and in chaos no matter how hard you try. This is simply a theory, but a lot of the time bad or inconvenient things continue to happen because we either consciously or subconsciously expect them too. Whether it’s because of the ‘rule of three’ or that because of past failures we subliminally anticipate that our next move will be failures too, we bring the barrage of bad business on ourselves.

Now you may be thinking, “What a load!”, but think about it. The last time you had a horrible day, there was one inconvenience that started it. From that point, you’re mood would’ve been affected, hence you’re cognitive motions (thinking) would be affected and essentially, you are asking for irritating moments to happen. You’re not paying as much attention to your actions or speech because you’re still thinking about the earlier occurrence. Starting to sound familiar?

How would I know all this? That’s very simple. Until recently, I suffered from depression and chronic anxiety. There were days where things were fine, I was okay and everything went well. But then there was other days when I woke up feeling so low, and because of that, nothing went right. I’d look in the mirror and pick parts of my body I hated, I’d lament the fact that I had no boy in my life, I had no group of friends and this not only left in a deeper low, but it forced more inconvenient occurrences down on my life. It wasn’t until one night I was browsing Tumblr and I found a picture, one I reblogged, saying “You’re too young to feel this way” that something seemed to click. I made the choice to change my way of thinking.

As soon as I started looking at my life in a more positive light, things started to happen for me. Jobs interviews, friends, getting through my exams, possibly even a boy on the horizon, things started to fall into place. I looked in the mirror and felt at peace with what I saw. I stopped worrying about people judging, whether they liked me or not, and decided to be happy with who I was. It was a groundbreaking revelation that I hadn’t fully realised until that moment. The secret to success was truly simple; be happy with yourself and go about things in a positive way.

Thought is such a powerful notion that many people don’t take advantage of. Take it from someone who has been there, getting yourself out of a dark state of mind is difficult. It takes a bit of a shock factor. For me, it was that I still had so much left in my life, so why was I spending my time feeling like crap? Today, believe, and i mean truly, wholly and completely believe that today will be an amazing day. You’ll be surprised of the difference it will make. Look in the mirror and compliment yourself. Be positive. That is the only way of getting where you want. Be confident and happy with who you are, and always be positive. You’ll notice a big difference in you day. Trust me.

I can never understand why people are so eager to confine others into little glass boxes, especially when it comes to women. I guess small-minded people find it easier to understand others if they can drop them into certain categories. One of the most common categories for women is the “Slut” box. I can basically guarantee that every girl over the age of thirteen has been called one of the above slurs. “Slut” is the ultimate form of verbal ‘shut-downs’ when it comes to women. There’s not a whole lot a woman can say when someone labels her a ‘slut’. As Rachel Hills in Cosmopolitan magazine says, it’s a way of silencing women. And it’s about time women started standing up to “slut”, instead shrinking away.

I can still clearly remember the first time I was labelled. I was thirteen, at high school and walking back to my circle of friends after visiting the canteen. As I walked past a group of boys, I heard one of them fling the slur at me. I had a split second where I contemplated what to do about the situation: I could keep walking and just let it go, or tell this arrogant, immature, little boy where to shove it. Being the fiesty little bitch I am, I was never going to take it lying down. I turned around and put him in his place. When I walked away, all of his mates were snickering about the fact he’d just been chewed out by a girl and that, even better, he was absolutely speechless.

Now a lot of women don’t have the confidence to take on their abusers. This needs to change. It isn’t about having confidence, it’s about female human rights. No one — male or female, old or young, black or white — has any right to degrade or abuse you. Frankly, it is absolutely no one else’s business how many people you have slept with, how frequently you have 24-hour flings, or who you choose to have sex with. But these days, “slut” is a lot more than just a name for a promiscuous woman.

In 2006, Sheikh al-Hilaly, a muslim cleric, stated that adultery and sexual abuse towards women was “90 per cent the women’s responsibility”. According to him, because women wear make up, wears short clothes, or even greets a man in a flirty manner, they were asking to be raped. It’s scary how many men and women seem to agree with this. No matter what you’re wearing, no matter how drunk you are, no matter who or how many people you’ve hooked up with, there is no reason for you to be called a slut or for you to be taken advantage of.

On the 3rd of April, 2011, SlutWalk happened in Toronto, Canada. What incited this was  a Toronto police officer was caught calling women at risk of sexual assault “sluts”. SlutWalk was a march organised in protest of this. 3,000 - 4,000 women walked producing an array of colourful signs, featuring “It’s my hot body, I’ll do what I want!” and “SLUTS SAY YES”. What this march really proved is that women do have the power to take control over “slut” back. It worked for gay and lesbians with the word “queer”, which is no longer seen as a serious insult, so why can’t women do it with “slut”?

It’s time we took a page out of the book of Olive Penderghast from Easy A. When everyone started slandering her as a “slut” and a “whore”, she decided that instead of just lying down and accepting it, she’d claim it. Don’t shy away or let yourself be shut down when someone pulls out the s-word. As soon as women decide that “slut” isn’t going to be the silencing slur that it’s become, the stigma will disappear. Just because you wear a short dress, have a bit of a flirt with boys, or decide to engage in a one night tryst, doesn’t mean you were asking to be sexually assaulted. It doesn’t make you a dirty and overtly promiscuous woman. You have every right to do anything you want with your body, because, guess what? It’s YOUR body! So next time someone decides to try and silence you with the s-word, speak up. Claim it, love it, revel in it. Silence them instead. Let’s take “slut” back.

In 2007, Justin Timberlake released the song “What Goes Around… Comes Around”. The music video featured Scarlett Johansson in an 10 minute clip. The story depicted JT and Scarlett as lovers, however it eventually comes out that Scarlett has been cheating on our main man and in the end, pays the price when her car flips through the air with her in it. Hence, what goes around comes around. Aside from the movies, it seems that the world has a way of righting wrong in it’s own ways. That’s Karma.

The notion of karma originated from Buddhism and Jainism. In these religions, karma is understood in the traditional sense. Any action that is undertaken plants “seeds” within someone’s mind. These seeds will sprout into the appropriate result with the certain conditions. Karma in Buddhism directly links the motives behind the actions to the results that emerge from that actions. Basically, if you do something horrible to someone with the intention of hurting them or nonchalance towards whether it will hurt them or not, eventually something horrible will happen to you. 

It’s an interesting concept that has been adapted into many cultures around the world. I can remember my father telling me from when I young, “What goes around comes around”. My parents were sort like a version of modern hippies, hence karma was a strong belief within in our family. As I grew up, I naturally questioned it’s existence. However, recently its become more and more apparent to me that the world does indeed, have its own way of making sure balance is restored between people. Like Sakyong Mipham, head of the Shambhala Buddhist Lineage said, “Like gravity, karma is so basic we often don’t even notice it”.

Recently, I had some people do some horrible things to me that messed with my head to a certain degree. I continually thought, “What on earth have I done to get such bad karma?”. What I hadn’t realised is that these last few weeks of trials had been life lessons in love and friendship. In a way, they were indeed good karma. As for the people that had hurt me, from what I’ve heard karma has indeed caught up to them. From the sounds of things, they have a lot of bad karma following them and I’m positive that it will catch up eventually.

It’s all too easy to feel hurt, violated and resentful towards the world when someone wrongs you. What a lot of people fail to see is that it’s all part of life and things will balance out. Whether it’s the girl that cheated on you and broke your heart, the roommates that stole everything and vanished or the friends who double-crossed you, the world has a way of making sure people get what’s coming to them. Karma happens. It might not occur today or tomorrow, or even a year from now. But good or bad, it definitely catches up with everyone. It’s just the way the world works.

It wasn’t too long ago that the prestigious Bond University on the Gold Coast ran an advertisement to recruit more students. Their campaign was to appeal to people who felt a little differently to others because of their unstoppable ambitions. “Ambition is a precious thing” was how the advertisement started. In this day and age, ambition really is a precious thing. There are so many young people, especially around my own age who are simply content to float through life with no destination in sight. In a world full of open doors and opportunities, there really is no longer an excuse for not wanting to aim that little bit higher. So why is it that my peers are so ready to spend their lives without any higher desires?

At the end of my 10th grade studies, a significant number of my peers dropped out of studying. When asked what they were going to do instead of study, the usual response was “I don’t know”. It was a highly common sight to see these kids hanging around the streets every day with no real purpose or anything to do with their time. A few even returned to study their senior years as our grade was entering the 12th year studies. I’m not saying that everyone should finish school. High school is definitely not a suitable place for everyone. But to leave with no desire to gain any kind of work whatsoever and to simply spend your time sitting around the streets with your friends, giggling about how drunk you were the night before is a sad mixture of pathetic and depressing.

The notion of ‘working to live’ is not a rare one, however it’s definitely not one I’d ever wish to partake in. My whole theory behind attending university was that if I was going to spend the next 50 years of my life working, I wanted to enjoy it. Employment is something that tends to take up a fair amount of time in your life, and the idea of wasting so much of my life on something that I don’t enjoy seems ridiculous. I don’t want to waste any of my life on something I don’t want to do and that is why I’m motivated. Yet, to see people my age or older happy to spend their entire life behind the counter of Target, Big W, or even worse McDonalds with no aspirations to move up the chain is sad.

One of my best friends dropped out of school at the end of 10th grade. He was quite possibly the smartest person in our year: a real straight-A student. His parents were very religious, so he’d led a little bit of a sheltered life until we became friends. However, in spite of his growing social life, and his incredible potential in secondary and tertiary education, he dropped out after his School Certificate exams. Now his lack of ambition was due to religious reasons, although there was a clear apathy towards his further education. Five years on, he still works in Big W in the same small town, content to spend his life working the cash registers and practicing his faith. Honestly, his story makes me sad. He could’ve been such a huge benefit to society, to the world even and his potential is now going to waste because of his unambitious attitude. 

I’m not trying to say that everyone should finish school or attend university or TAFE. I know for a fact that these aren’t always the paths that suit everyone. What I’m addressing here is that every single individual has the potential to do something truly amazing with their life. Whether it is starting a new company, whether it’s inventing something new, whether it’s governing the country, taking care of others, traveling the world, inciting world peace; it doesn’t particularly matter. The ability to do something remarkable is there in everyone. The problem is that so many are merely not bothered to use the key to unlock that capability. Ambition is hard work, as is working to your potential, but if it was easy, would it really be worth it?

In a world where so many are ready to cut you down because of your beliefs, your race, your gender, your age, your experience, why do you want to help people do this? It is so easy just to trudge through life, only to make it to your 40s and wonder what happened to all those years. Life is so short, so why not dream big? Why not go for that better job? Why not go back to study? Why not reach a little further? We are living in a world where opportunity is everywhere and nothing is impossible. So, the real question is, if the sky was the limit, what would you want to do?

My dad always used to have the saying that he constantly repeated. Whether it was to do with religion, boys, work, school, anything, he’d find a way to slip it in there. It was always “Do you know what assumption is? The mother of all fuck-ups”. Everyone makes assumptions every day. It’s part of our nature as human beings. However, as soon as you take things to be true without any proof or think that someone will do something without reasoning, you open yourself up to a world of ignorance and irritation. Recently more than ever, I’ve begun to realise that making assumptions about people, about what you know and about where you might be going is only going to lead to a big surprise. Whether this surprise is good or bad is another issues altogether.

One of the worst surprises that has happened to me due to assumptions would be the current situation with my former roommates and supposed friends. We’d planned to get a house together, we’d been approved and while I was away visiting my parents, they quickly decided to change the rules. Although I’d been the one to find the house, organise the inspection, organise the application papers and sort out several kinks in getting them in, I was suddenly shafted and left out of the loop. I’d assumed that they were good people. I’d assumed we were friends. I’d assumed they wouldn’t do something like this. My assumptions were indeed, a massive fuck up. It wasn’t something I could predict, but nonetheless, my choices to believe without due reason lead to me scrambling to make sure I even had a place to live.

It’s something I’ve learnt the hard way. Having always been a trusting person, having someone blatantly backstab you is a hard thing to come to terms with. What it comes down to is that you can’t assume that you know someone completely. Even when living with someone, there’s a distinct possibility that there’s some aspects of their personality that will never surface until the due time arises. I’m not saying not to trust people. There’s always going to be someone you know you can trust. There’s always going to be someone who does know the real you. The truth is though, that there are horrible and sly people out there. You’ve just got to look beyond the surface value to find out the real person.

However, in the same week as this mini crisis, I discovered assumptions sometimes don’t always stick, and maybe that’s a good thing. After my first boyfriend and I broke up, I told him that there was no way we’d ever be friends. I’d assumed this would always be the case. My guess is that he did too. Yet 18 months on, I actually called him and asked him to come pick me up when my wallet disappeared and I had no way of getting home. Now, assumption wasn’t so much a fuck up as a complete falsity in this case. But all the same, you can’t assume you know someone completely or that circumstances or people as a whole can’t change. 

This is what the story of the movie, Easy A, is based around. The protagonist, Olive, tells one white lie which blows out of proportion by people assuming and manufacturing stories about her sex life. Olive’s life is turned upside down other’s falsities. The film perfectly illustrates how assuming things about other’s lives can create unnecessary drama and problems. Making negative assumptions about other people is similar to an adult version of bullying. This wasn’t tolerated in a school setting, so why should we tolerate it in the adult world?

Deciding something is true without any real facts or solid evidence is never going to work out well. Making assumptions is basically like a slightly more degrading version of blind faith. You can’t assume that people will act a certain way, or that someone will never change. In this day and age, anything is possible. Judging people by the way they look, dress, religion, race or linguistics is only restricting yourself. You’re missing out on amazing friendships or more. But never think that because someone is polite or kind, that it won’t change in a heartbeat. It’s all about keeping your wits about you. Think things through and never ever assume.

Superheroes are an inbuilt creative motif of our society. The amazing, handsome, incredibly skilled and powerful beings who set out to protect us from danger. Sometimes it may not seem like it to the general public, but they always have the best intentions for society in mind. Aeon Flux, although not as well know as other female superheroes, would probably be my absolute favourite super heroine. However, these super humans can’t handle having to be ‘super’ 24/7, so they create their alter egos. Superman had Clark Kent, Spiderman had Peter Parker, Batman had Bruce Wayne and Aeon Flux had, well, civilian Aeon Flux. We don’t realise, but we all have our own forms of alter egos. We all play the parts assigned to us at one time or another, but whether this is good for our self esteem or not is another matter.

Confidence and self-assurance is something most struggle with from time-to-time, especially in our youth. With the pressures of society to live up to the images of the brooding, handsome and oh-so confident ladies man persona and the attractive, seductive and assertive female ideal, things become a little complicated. More than once, it has been advertised to ‘fake it ‘til your make it’ with self-assurance. This is where the creation of alternate personalities emerge. 

And it’s not just the average person who is putting on a mask for the public. Everyone does it. Politicians are prime examples. Controversy was abound when recent Tony Abbott was caught revealing his true personality with soldiers in Iraq. When informed of complications in an operation resulting in the death of a soldier, his reply came with an unfiltered, “Shit happens”. Outrage at this comment was everywhere. Tony Abbott’s conservative and polished appearance had cracks emerging in the surface. The general public failed to realise that Abbott had forgotten to turn on his political alter ego that day.

Even I have a created version of myself. A supremely confident, talkative and somewhat mischievous version of myself. My alter ego usually makes an appearance while I’m at work in retail and on rare occasions when I’m out on the town. She’s been there for so long now, that I can’t imagine not having my other personality to slip into. However, I make sure I know the difference between who I am and who she is.

It’s when the lines between your mask and your real self become blurred that problems start to emerge. I used to know a boy who had worn his alternate personality until it became him. He told me, he thought he was bland and dull, so he created someone else and played that part for so long until it was him. I can’t blame him for wanting to be someone else as he was teased a lot when he was very young.

I always had been supportive of self improvement, however self reinvention was another thing. I always believed your true self was something that couldn’t be hidden forever. I believe I was right. Every so often, you’d see part of his old persona — his true persona — shine through. He was probably one of the most confused people I’ve ever met.

You can never complete cover up who you were. Nor should you try. You can never completely obliterate what was once there. There will always be remnants of the old personality there. The only thing it causes is confusion as to who you really are and what you really want. A mask can’t replace a human being.

Alter egos are a fantastic tool, if used correctly. They can help advance careers, get that guy, or struggle through that speech assessment. But they need to be kept in context. They are a mask. No matter how long you wear that mask, it’s never going to become your face. If you want to believe it is you, it’ll only lead to mixed-up morals and varying values. People will eventually see that it is a mask and wonder why you’re so afraid of the real you. 

Have fun with the other you. Play, laugh, enjoy it. It is a part of you who are. But it isn’t the whole you and it never will be. See alter egos for what they are; the other version of you, the superhero version of you. Just keep in mind that even though you’re wearing a cape and your underwear outside your clothes, it doesn’t mean you can fly.

“I still want to be friends”

Something I could never understand about about a diminishing relationship is how often this line is tacked onto the end of the break up speech. It’s happened to me and I’m sure countless others have experienced it too. However, the thing I find even stranger than this is how two people who once shared intimate relations can remain ‘friends’ with no more jealousy or slight romantic tension between them. 

According to sources, the Royal Wedding occurring at the end of this month, between Kate Middleton and Prince William, will feature several of their former flames. Exes at their wedding. Whether it’s the rub it in their faces that they are now happily in love, or because they genuinely want to ‘be friendly’, I can’t see how this wouldn’t ring alarm bells with their current lover.

I’d had several friends attempt to stay friends post-break up. I have only seen it successfully work a few times. Regardless of whether or not you would like to be in a relationship with your ex-lover, there will always be the memory that once upon a time, they were yours. Ownership doesn’t dissipate easily.

My ex-boyfriend always made a point that he stayed friends with all his former flames. He thought it was assuring that he wouldn’t hurt me. So when it was my turn to change from current to former, there was the ‘line’, staring me in the face; “I still want to be friends with you because I think you’re an amazing person”. I made the executive decision to not take up his offer.

At the time, it was solely meant to be a stab to his ego because now he wasn’t friends with all his ex-girlfriends. But, looking back it really was the right choice. Although it may be hard to cut off all contact with your former lover, in my experience it’s the only way to truly move on. 

Some girls seem to find the period after mourning the loss, the hardest part: moving on. Sometimes it is hard to give up on someone that you once felt so much for. But it needs to be looked at objectively. You lived without them for several years and survived. You were happy. You had friends. You had a life. There was a time, before their arrival where you were content in life without that person in it. All that moving on takes is to search and find that place once again.

Living in a city of over 2 million people with your ex, of course, makes things a bit easier than when you’re living in a town of 2 thousand. You would think you would never have to see that certain someone ever again. What would the odds be of seeing them again? 1 in 2 million? Well, since moving to Brisbane City, I have seen my ex-boyfriend no less than 3 times in 4 months. In a city of over 2 MILLION PEOPLE. All you need to do is keep your head high, stand proud and smile.

I know several girls who only want to hurt their exes after a relationship. It once again comes back to the ‘moving on’ stage. These girls, or guys as well, haven’t decided to move on. Instead they dwell on pain that’s been cause and decide to return that. The best way of showing your ex that you’ve moved on or if you just want to piss them off, is to be happy and content. Show them that you’re better off without them. You don’t need them in your life. Because the truth it, you don’t. If someone doesn’t have the time of day for you, why should you waste time on them?

Then we come to another phase of the break-up. One that I see all too often these days. It’s usually a cry for attention, and is often in no way serious. The “I’ve given up on men/women”. To judge a whole gender off the actions of a few idiots is ridiculous. It’s like racism. You’re simply moving on from hurting. To make such judgements is simply dumb. There was a time there when I felt like I would never find anyone who would have feelings for me again. I know now that I was wrong. There’s an old saying that, no matter how old you are, what race, gender, religion, hair colour, eye colour, education level, whatever… there will always be at least 2 people in the world that will love you for who you are. It’s true.

Use break-ups as a time of learning, re-invention and discovery. You will never learn more about who you are than at this point. Since my break up, which was now around 18 months ago, I have learnt more about who I am and who I want to be than I ever could’ve in a relationship or before break-up. 

Let yourself feel what you’re feeling. But don’t let it consume your life. Love is a great feeling and it is an even better thing to share with someone. By letting yourself become depressed over someone no longer reiterating that feeling, you’re loosing the whole purpose of love and relationships.

There’ll be a day where you find someone who is absolutely perfect, and then you’ll realise why you had to go through all the duds. You were simply figuring out all the components of your perfect partner.  If you focus on becoming the best person you can be, you won’t feel the need to fall hopelessly and pointlessly in and out of relationships. Single time is you time. Enjoy it.

One of my idols has always been Christina Aguilera. Not just because she quite possibly has the most amazing voice I’ve ever heard. She is also an incredibly strong woman who will always stand by her beliefs and will never back down. The feminist movement was in full swing during the 1990s, but in recent years has suddenly taken a downward swing. And all I have to ask, is why?

In the 21st Century, you’d think the least of our troubles would be a woman’s right to stand up for herself. However, we are still faced by throngs of people who are intimidated by a woman with an opinion. And it’s not just men. No doubt you’ve heard women make snide comments about other females. “She’s such a bitch”, “What a slut”. Why are we so scared of a female who decides not to take a submissive role?

It’s like we’ve regressed back to the days of High School, when a girl was called a slut because she’d had sex with her boyfriend. Or was called a bitch when she offered an opinion that didn’t sit well with others. This teenage mentality seems to carry on into adulthood. I’ve experienced women in their 40s still resorting to call others ‘bitches’ or ‘sluts’, simply because they couldn’t handle a strong woman.

What is it about a woman with an opinion that scares people? My guess is that it dates back to the early 1900s and late 1800s. Actually, until the last 50 years, women were always under the pretense that they should “be seen and not heard”. It was since the World Wars and the development of the oral contraceptive pill that women began to really take a stand. Some women and men have decided to keep living in these times, regardless of the vast changes going on around them. Some men seem to find it intimidating to find a woman who isn’t going to bow to their every need and mindlessly agree with what they have to say. Some women are jealous of the confidence that others have and strike out at it.

It can be hard to take a stand when society is still subliminally focused on women taking a submissive role. How often do you see women dumbing themselves down for a man, holding back on their opinions for fear of being judged, too scared to approach a man because of what he might think? It occurs everywhere throughout our society.

Those women who take pride in their confidence are always at a threat of getting knocked down. Christina Aguilera was constantly called a ‘slut’ throughout the promotion of her Stripped album because of the way she dressed. Noone ever thought that she might have been making a statement about the way society thinks about female promiscuity.

The way society thinks about female sexual relations is another source of anti-feminism. It is actually the topic of one of Aguilera’s songs, Can’t Hold Us Down. Why is it that it’s socially acceptable for a man to have more sexual partners than a female? Why is it because you’re a woman, you’re immediately a whore if you choose to engage in casual sexual relations? Why are men expected to have one night stands, but a woman is suddenly looked down on because she decides to have a 24 hour fling?

It is about time women decided to become a little more mean. It’s that nastiness and persistence that shakes things up and creates change. The more women choose to speak up, the quicker things will advance. Every great and memorable moment in history has been caused by someone deciding that things needed to change and making their views known.

You are not a slut for having sexual desires. You are not a bitch for having an opinion. If people can’t handle your thoughts and opinions, they are clearly not mature enough to have a proper relationship with. Eventually, these people will understand, but until that day, there is absolutely no need to change. Be loud, be proud and make yourself known.

When Lady Gaga, the new Queen of Pop, arrived on the scene, she received nothing but criticism and insult from everyone. She was being called for everything from all angles. Everything from ‘freak’ to ‘she’s a man’ was in rotation. I admit that I was one of these people. That was until she released Paparazzi and it blew my mind. She soon gained a strong fanbase and became the superpower of music culture is she today.

The remarkable thing about all of this is that throughout all the critique and nasty things being echoed about her, Gaga never changed herself. She stayed true to who she was. Regardless of whether society as a whole misunderstood her, she took pride in being completely unique and different from anything. It made her happy to stand out from the crowd. It was her niche. However, it makes me question, what has happened to society to cause such a dramatic shift away from anything that is a little bit left of centre?

Being one who often shied away from the norms, I had always found myself on the outer, so to speak. During school I was know as ‘the emo kid’ until about 11th Grade. From there, I became one of the art geeks. But even there, I didn’t exactly fit in. I’d often complain to my parents, telling them “I’m not normal!”. It wasn’t until the day when my parents began turning it back on me that I began to think. It all started one day when my dad asked me “What is normal, Shelby?”

‘What is normal?’, indeed. In this point in time where there are more subcultures than clothing stores, life is starting to look a little bit like a restaurant menu. But these days it’s not so simple as lumping people into categories. Subcultures are beginning to merge and blend together. Scene is barely definable from emo, which is a bit difficult to tell apart from alternative, which could easily be compared to hipster. But why on earth are we trying to cram everyone into these little boxes? Why do we need these stupid boxes in the first place?

You’d think that by the time we had moved into the 21st Century, life would have become a little more refined. However, apparently society is still scared by anything that changed societal norms and society’s accepted way or going about things. It was quoted by J.K. Galbraith (a professor I learnt about in Marketing) that when “faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof”. People would rather ridicule that which they don’t understand, rather than attempt to understand.

I resent this. Being a person who never judges until after I get to know someone (however, I am guilty of judging people who don’t dress well), I love to meet others who take pride in being that little bit left of centre. It’s these people that make life interesting. 

Living in a city has opened my eyes to how many assorted types of persona there actually is. being human beings, we like to believe we ‘fit in’ with everyone else. We often alter parts of our personality just to blend in with others and to be considered ‘normal’. After much deliberation, I can’t fathom why someone would want to be considered ‘normal’, ‘regular’, ‘ordinary’ or bland. Or why someone would want to ‘blend in’.

We are all subliminally told that being different isn’t right. That fitting into society’s norms and accepted lifestyle is the only way to get anywhere in life. You only have to look at Lady Gaga to see this isn’t true. Her whole fame is built around the fact that she refuses to conform to society’s ways. There is absolutely no category that you could squeeze her into. And why would you want to? She’s Lady Gaga. She has a category all of her own.

That’s the way people need to begin thinking about themselves. You don’t need to clamber into any labelled cardboard boxes or jump into subcultural soup. Uniqueness and originality are dying traits. It’s about time these we seen, not as a personality defect, but as something to be embraced.

It’s time to be proud of who you are and what you do. In the words of Gaga, “You’re on the right track, baby; You were born this way”.

It was only the other day when my roommate and I laughed about how long we’d know each other. It actually started when we were in the city having coffee and she fell asleep mid-sentence. She has a night job, so I couldn’t blame her. Regardless, we’d survived the rigours and trials, the bitch fights and the snide remarks, the experimentation and possibly damaging rollarcoaster that is high school. After those 6 years of chaos, we’d emerged still in one piece and still maintaing a friendly relationship. It’s now 7 years after we first met and we’re living together.

However, as much as secondary school is supposed to be this time of self discovery and self actualisation, I’ve realised that perhaps some of us are just late bloomers. In fact, maybe, just maybe, the majority of us are late bloomers. How many times have you heard about 20-somethings changing their university degrees halfway through?(I’m actually one of these people) How many times have you looked at photographs of people you knew in high school and thought “Wow, they got hot/ugly/slim/fat/somehow changed dramatically”?

I’ll admit, high school was not the highlight of my life so far. For me, it was a lot more confusion, rejection, isolation and stress than delving into who I really was and who I wanted to be. In all honesty, I hated secondary school with a passion. But by no means would I undo any of it. Looking back, high school actually taught me numerous life lessons that I will never forget.

Always be yourself.

True friends don’t treat you like trash.

Hard work will always get you where you want to go. But knowing people helps too.

But the things I learnt after I left outweighed all of this.

Most significantly, there’s not some magical place that you can find that will tell you who you are and who you want to be. That is not for you to ‘discover’. You have to make the decision, not wait for it to be made for you.

Last night, I had this very conversation with my male roommate’s friend. He told me he had no idea who he was or where he wanted to be. I could sympathize with him as only 14 months ago, I was in this very situation.

After finishing secondary school, I was left with nothing but an empty feeling in my stomach and complete and utter disarray. I had been so determined since I was 15 to attend University to study a Bachelor of Criminology/Bachelor of Forensic Science. However, when I discovered I’d been granted entry into my university of choice to get into that very degree, I wasn’t excited in the slightest. I didn’t find any interest in that category anymore. All my ‘friends’ from school moving away to attend university, and that I had recent gone through a messy break up, hadn’t helped with this too much either.

Truthfully, I attribute everything that I have learnt about myself up until this point in my life to 3 sources. My parents who have taught me that it is 100% okay to be me. My sisters who taught me that you’re allowed to change your mind and that you should never give up on what you want. And my gap year.

There was times I completely regretted taking a year off before university. There were other times when I loved it. Through all the ups and downs of the year between the adolescent life and  true adulthood, I discovered where I was going and what I was passionate about. I learnt that you don’t just wait for someone or something to pop up and tell you who you are. You need to take charge of you life and decide what you want and who you’re going to be.

Taking charge of your life is something that is often difficult in high school due to peer pressure, psycho teachers and the ever-looming Year 12 Final Examinations. You’re expected to know exactly what you want to do with your life from the age of 15. This is so unrealistic. At 19, I’m still trying to figure out where I want to go with my career, with my love life, with my friends, with everything really. My father, who is over 50, has changed careers several times in his life and upon asking him what he wants to be, his response is usually “I don’t know” or “I haven’t decided yet” or better still, “I want to be happy and useful”.

The real time to decide what you want from life is when you have time to be yourself without outside forces pushing views, opinions and life choices onto you. There are days I think taking a gap year was stupid, but the majority of the time I realise it was exactly what I needed.

High school was never a time to decide what you intend to do with the rest of your life. You’re simply not mature enough for it. I don’t even think I’m mature enough to decide now, at 19 years old. The thing you need to remember is that you are the one who living your life. Not your parents. Not your teachers, lecturers or tutors. Not you boyfriend, your girlfriend or significant other. You need to decide what is best for you because you’re the only one who knows what that is. It may take some time to make that decision, but that’s okay. It’s the most important and exciting decision you’ll ever make so it’s natural to take some time with it.

The best advice I can give you that I have acquired in my short life is this; Enjoy the ride, because you never know what’s around the corner. Keep living life to the fullest. Remember that tomorrow is not another day, it’s a new opportunity. Make the most of what you’ve been given.